Confidence

My first full time job out of college gave me the opportunity to travel around the country frequently. I met up with colleagues for conferences or meetings, but there were plenty of times (arriving, departing or in between) where I found myself alone. I still wanted to explore these new cities and it became a challenge to see what I was confident enough to do by myself. Walking the streets was easy. Museums were easy. But was I brave enough to go to a movie by myself? Could I be alone and not lonely? I remember the first time I went to a sit-down restaurant. It was a breakfast place in Philadelphia and I wanted more than fast-food. So I told the host I needed a table for one and held my head up as she seated me. This was before everyone had a friend in their phone and fellow diners curiously glanced at me, all alone at my table. I chose to look them in the eye and smile, daring anyone to feel sorry for me. It was exhilarating. I stopped thinking about how the world was looking at me (what everyone else might be thinking of me) and started really looking at THEM instead. Was there another lonely soul I could befriend? Did someone need some extra kindness? I saw people differently, not as an audience to my life but rather that I could be a witness to theirs. What could I discover about them in their quiet moments? I was a blocked artist back then, but those were the seeds of my career beginning to form. What are the stories of people and how could I tell them? Now I’m in a world where I’m very often surrounded by people, but I’ve never lost that lesson of being confident when I’m all alone. And every once in awhile it’s still exhilarating to sneak off for a movie or meal all alone. [Come see this painting “Confidence” at David Ericson Gallery TONIGHT from 6-9:00 and help celebrate his 40th anniversary!]